Leaving C-Sec
by 1991Kira
Summary: Garrus always claimed that he left C-Sec because of all the bureaucracy and red-tape. But what's the actual story? ME1, One-shot.


Executor Venari Pallin, or "Paper-pusher" Pallin as his colleagues fondly referred to him behind his back, was furious.

The source of his bad temper was none other than Garrus Vakarian.

He drummed his fingers impatiently on the desk, waiting for the young upstart to show up in his office, as he glanced at the mountain of OSDs demanding his attention.

Paperwork never bothered him. Bureaucracy and red-tape he could handle. Young, hot-headed officers on the other hand...

He sighed. He was getting too old for this.

 _Why_ in the name of the Spirits did Garrus insist on causing so much trouble for him? Why couldn't he just listen to his elders for once? Always rushing off headfirst into situations without regard to proper procedure...

His old colleague and Garrus' father, the elder Vakarian, had been the ideal C-Sec officer. Why then did his son insist on causing so much trouble for everyone?

"You wanted to see me, Executor?"

The turian in question walked into his office and stood at attention. Pallin couldn't help but notice that he seemed inordinately pleased with himself, his mandibles twitching in excitement.

"You're not making my life easy, Garrus," he growled. "Firefights in the wards? An all-out assault on Chora's den? Do you know how many calls from concerned citizens we've all had to deal with in the last few hours?"

"Sir, I..."

"And what's this I've been hearing about three Systems Alliance soldiers and a Krogan being involved in this? Remind me Garrus, since when did Alliance soldiers have jurisdiction in the wards? And a Krogan mercenary? Really?"

"We had a lead on Saren, Sir. Fist was working for him..."

"The Saren case!" Pallin bellowed. "I thought I told you specifically that your investigation was over!"

"Sir..."

"I've had enough of you, Garrus. Your recklessness on the job is one thing, but when you go around shooting up the place with a bunch of aliens like a common thug, you cross a line."

Pallin got up from his desk and started pacing from side to side.

"You've become a disgrace to C-Sec, a disgrace to that uniform! Consorting with mercenaries and criminals, disobeying your superiors' direct orders, disrespecting laws, disregarding protocol...your behavior is unworthy of a citizen of the Hierarchy, it is in fact unworthy of a _turian_."

He glowered at Garrus. "If your father were to hear of this, he would no doubt die of shame. You..."

"Your fringe is stupid."

Pallin froze mid-rant and stared at Garrus, unable to believe his ears.

"What did you just say to me?" he whispered dangerously.

"I said," Garrus spoke as if to a particularly slow child, "that your fringe is short and stunted, and looks extremely stupid."

For turian males, their fringe was a touchy and often outright taboo subject. Aside from being a symbol of their pride and masculinity, it was generally believed that the size of the fringe was proportional to one's manhood.

Insulting a turian's fringe was equivalent to insulting a human male's genitalia.

In short: it was crude, insulting and hit wayyyy below the belt.

Naturally, Pallin was too choked with outrage to formulate a proper reply.

Garrus continued, "Of course, that explains a lot of things. Like why your wife has chosen to have an affair with that hanar smuggler who made the news last month."

"W-what? What are you….."

"You mean you don't _know_?" Garrus had a vicious smirk on his face. "The great Executor Pallin doesn't know that his wife has been getting it on with a _hanar_ behind his back?"

"Of course, if you actually _bothered_ to go home every once in a while instead of drowning yourself in red-tape, you'd have some kind of idea."

Ignoring Pallin's increasing blood pressure, Garrus blithely continued. "You know, I heard she occasionally lets an elcor join in as well. Heck, she must be one hell of a _size queen_ , huh? Hey Executor, you think she'd let _me_ have a shot..."

"That's enough! How dare you..."

"I'm not finished," Garrus said coldly. "You've spent the last five minutes letting me know what you _really_ think of me. Well Pallin, here's what I _really_ think of you..."

* * *

It was a day which the employees of C-Sec never forgot.

When Garrus Vakarian strode into the Executor's office, everyone thought they were going to see the brash young officer get a dressing down.

The spectacle that beheld them however, told a completely different story.

Pallin sat behind his desk, still as a statue, as Garrus Vakarian seemed to unload an entire lifetime's worth of frustrations on him.

While it was impossible to hear what was being said in the office, Garrus' colourful body language was more than sufficient to understand what was being said.

Every single hand gesture was a vile insult, every single snarl from his mouth a foul word, as Garrus proceeded to leave Pallin under no illusions of _exactly_ what his opinions were.

Some of his hand gestures and expressions were so horrific, that the older members of the office tried to get their younger colleagues to look the other way, lest their innocent young minds be forever tainted by this sickening display.

After ranting and raving like a madman for what seemed like an eternity, but was actually only five whole minutes, Garrus finally seemed to calm down.

"...your mother!" he bellowed, gasping for breath as he stared defiantly at Pallin, who seemed to have turned into stone.

"I've had it over here. I'm tired of C-Sec, I'm tired of you and I'm tired of this whole damn place! I quit!"

Then to everyone's amazement, Garrus Vakarian strode over to his desk, quickly pulled out a box and filled it with what little possessions he had. He then stalked out of the office, pausing only at the door to give everyone around him one venomous glance, before he departed for good.

Pallin, who had never taken a single day off in his entire career, didn't turn up at work for the whole next week.

* * *

Years later, people would come to tell stories about Garrus Vakarian: slayer of Reapers, lover of Commander Shepard and all around galactic badass.

Unknown to most, there would be a small group of former C-Sec officers who would whisper tales of the great turian and his other, more infamous deeds.

They would know him as the only man to take on the legendary "Paper-pusher" Pallin, and come out on top.

* * *

 _Meanwhile on the Normandy….._

"So Garrus, why did you quit C-Sec?"

 _Damn, she just had to ask. Oh, well here goes nothing..._

"Well, Commander. At C-Sec you're buried by rules, the damn bureaucrats are always on your back..."

* * *

 **AN: Just something I put together since I was bored :)**


End file.
